The look of excited enthusiasm on Jim’s face slowly began to fade. Celebrating the realisation of his dream – a newly acquired, beautifully sleek, previously adored craft – he was looking forward to launch over a wee dram at the Clubhouse Bar.
As much in love with her as he was, though, he just hated her name. It simply had to be changed. But hearing of the superstitions surrounding the renaming of a boat, surely it would bring down a ton of bad luck if he did so?
Not if Jim uses Vigor’s 'Interdenominational Boat De-naming Ceremony'.
The following words have to be spoken aloud with or without witnesses and great effort must be made not to collapse in fits of giggling. But first, all physical traces of the boat’s old name must be removed from everything and the new name mustn’t be applied until after the Ceremony has taken place.
“In the name of all who have sailed aboard this ship in the past, and in the name of all who may sail aboard her in the future, we invoke the ancient gods of the wind and the sea to favor us with their blessing today.
Mighty Neptune, king of all that moves in or on the waves; and mighty Aeolus, guardian of the winds and all that blows before them:
We offer you our thanks for the protection you have afforded this vessel in the past. We voice our gratitude that she has always found shelter from tempest and storm and enjoyed safe passage to port.
Now, wherefore, we submit this supplication, that the name whereby this vessel has hitherto been known (_____), be struck and removed from your records.
Further, we ask that when she is again presented for blessing with another name, she shall be recognized and shall be accorded once again the selfsame privileges she previously enjoyed.
In return for which, we rededicate this vessel to your domain in full knowledge that she shall be subject as always to the immutable laws of the gods of the wind and the sea.
In consequence whereof, and in good faith, we seal this pact with a libation offered according to the hallowed ritual of the sea."
Then the boat is re-named. It’s best to invite H.M. Queen Elizabeth to do this as she is well practiced at delivering the traditional christening. However, if she is too busy, invite your own reigning monarch. Just don’t sink as low as a Mayor.
Christening Ceremony: 'I name this ship ____________ and may she bring fair winds and good fortune to all who sail on her'
Next, it’s time for the libations! As Vigor reminds us, a word of warning here. Don’t mess with the Gods of the sea. One thing they despise the most is a cheapskate. Only use the most expensive bubbles you can afford. One bottle for the boat and one bottle for you. Cheers!
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